Not Everything Is Yours to Fix

You're in the car. The traffic ahead has ground to a halt. You can see the minutes ticking by and your mind is already racing — running through who you need to message, what they'll think, whether you'll make it at all. And yet, sitting in that traffic, there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it move.

We've all been there. And most of us know, even in that moment, that the worry isn't helping. And yet we can't seem to stop.

Change works the same way. It shows up uninvited — at work, at home, in ways we'd never have chosen — and our instinct is to try and get ahead of it, plan for every scenario, anticipate every outcome. Sometimes that's useful. Often, it just exhausts us.

A framework I keep coming back to — and one that's been around far longer than most modern coaching tools — is the idea of three circles: the circle of control, the circle of influence, and the circle of concern.

The principle is simple. Some things we can control directly — our actions, our responses, our choices. Some things we can influence — with time, energy and effort, we may be able to shift them, though the outcome isn't guaranteed. And some things sit entirely outside our reach — the traffic, other people's decisions, the economy, the weather.

The circle of concern is where most of our worry lives. It's full of things that matter to us but that we can do very little about. And the more mental energy we pour into that circle, the less we have for the things we can actually affect.

The circle of influence is where it gets interesting — and where a little honest reflection goes a long way. Before investing time and energy in trying to influence something, it's worth asking: what is the likelihood of me actually making a difference here? What would it cost me — in time, energy, relationships? And is that trade-off worth it?

For those of us who like to feel in control — and I include myself here — this framework isn't always comfortable. Acknowledging that something is simply outside your hands can feel like giving up. It isn't. It's a conscious choice to redirect your energy toward what actually matters and what you can actually change.

The next time you find yourself stuck in traffic — metaphorically or literally — it might be worth asking: which circle does this belong in? And if it's not in your control, what would it feel like to simply let it be there?

That question alone can free up more mental space than any plan you could make.